Jesus said to them, “Come after me, and I will make you fishers of men.” - Mark 1:17

Sometimes in life, we wonder what God is really telling us to do? Where is life exactly leading us? Which path are we supposed to take? Jesus said, “Follow me, and I will make you fishers of men.” And then we start to think, are we even qualified or capable of being fishers of men?

The world is a tough place to live in and we often feel a little or quite lost. But the truth is, we are never lost. It is God we most seek and desire. Often times, we run around in our lives like headless creatures and going after all sorts of things around in this world yet always fail to gain satisfaction.Often times, we can’t seem to hear God’s call. Who can blame us? How would we even know if it is God that’s calling us? And when we finally get to hear God’s call, are we brave enough to follow Him or do we try to run like what Jonah did?

I have been wondering what God really wants me to do. It has been almost 3 years since I graduated college. I have had three jobs, one of which was temporary, another was for a short period of time and a current one which I am enjoying so far . I believe that we are able to find meaning in the things we do when we do it with love because that is how God wants us to do things as well. There are times when I feel worn out, tired and exhausted. Stressed and burnt out. In short, I feel like quitting. The greatest struggle I have so far is dealing with loss. Working with kids battling with cancer is inspiring, yes. But once you start losing some of those you have encountered more than once in your everyday routine, it hurts you. There are times when I wonder, will I ever get used this? Will there be a time when I will get immune of that grieving feeling? There was even a time when I thought of slowly detaching myself to the kids. Not interacting with them the same way I do, make this all about work. But somebody told me there’s nothing wrong with what I feel. That it’s normal to feel that way. That it keeps me human to feel that way. Yet I know that we get to experience difficult times once in a while and that should be something that inspires us to persevere more rather than discourage us to hide and quit.

In the way, as we try to follow Jesus and make disciples, we attract a lot of struggles along the way. Life is full of choices. Simon, Andrew, James and John chose to obey when Jesus told them to leave everything behind and just follow Him. They left their families, their livelihood and everything that was once important to them. We haven’t even started and yet we already feel a lot of doubt and discouragement.

To follow Jesus, we must first know Jesus. When you follow Jesus, you are not doing Him a favor. You are doing yourself a favor. We are not asked to do big things in a snap. We are not asked to preach immediately, stand in front of a multitude of people and convince them to be followers of Christ. We are only asked that we recognize His presence first in our lives and be a living testimony of His love for everybody.

Life is full of uncertainties. I am not sure where life is leading me now. I am not sure if I can stay long in this field of work or eventually look for another. The only thing I am sure of right now is that working there gives me inspiration to fight my battles everyday and in return, I make sure that they get all the love they deserve. I want to make them feel that every day is a blessing and that Jesus loves them so much despite their sickness. I guess that is how I am being Jesus to them. That is how I am making disciples the simplest way possible. By making them feel they are not abandoned and they can turn to God any time.

The act of following Jesus is a large leap of faith. It is following even if the the future is unknown because we must know that no matter how unknown things can be, we are guaranteed of something good, something even better.

Mother Teresa said,

“People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway. If you are honest, people may cheat you, Be honest anyway. If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway. The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do it anyway. Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway. For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. It is never between you and them anyway.”

May all of us try to be Jesus to one another, one step at a time, little by little and make a ripple effect. You see, being fishers of men is never an easy task.  I hope we do it anyway. If, then, you are looking for the way by which you should go, take Christ, because He Himself is the way.

-January Santiago